Thursday, April 05, 2007

Antique Slim Jims

Always check the expiration date. Always.

A visiting friend and I did a quick run-in to a "mercadito" in my neighborhood for sodas and cigarettes last night, ducking out of the last few minutes of Bones despite my huge crush on Temperance Brennan. While walking through the conveniently placed snack aisle on my way to the cash register, I notice a lone canister of Slim Jims sitting amidst the cookies. I am (or should I say I was?) a big fan of Slim Jims and other desiccated meat products. Perhaps this isn't the healthiest food preference, but it can't kill me. Right?

Wrong, apparently. I went home and hit the comfy chair with an ice cold Diet Coke and my ill-fated snack products. Distracted by conversation and the circus sideshow that American Idol has become in the Sanjaya era, I distractedly opened and bit into my first Slim Jim. The texture and taste were a bit off. It was a little dry and tough. Reflexively, I swallowed before taking a closer look at the offending meat stick. When I grabbed both ends for the "snap into a Slim Jim" test, it broke with a crack like a twig in winter. Odd. So, I broke another one. Again, sticklike breakage and loud crack. Hmmmm... My friend wisely suggested I check the expiration date on the canister.

Best by March 23, 2005. You read that right. The meat festering in my gut expired on March 23, 2005. I have a bit of an ache in the pit of my stomach, but otherwise seem fine. I was a bit hypotensive last night and this morning, but I don't think it's related considering my pre-existing heart condition. So, no death by Slim Jim despite the extreme hilarity that would entail. (I have a reputation for getting myself into odd situations.)

Anyway, the Health Department is on the case as we speak, so more is sure to follow.

UPDATE: The Health Department inspected the store yesterday, but I haven't heard back from them on what they plan to do. The meat actually expired March 26, 2005. Finally, never mock the fates. Apparently, food poisoning can take 24 to 48 hours to kick in. The stomache cramps and "intestinal distress" kicked in yesterday afternoon. I thought they'd passed this morning until I ate something and they returned in full force. I will never shop at the mercadito again.

4 Comments:

Blogger Miss Cellania said...

You've posted twice since this episode, so can I assume you are OK?

10:24 AM  
Blogger Melinda Barton said...

Still alive, shaking off the last vestiges of food poisoning. No word yet from the Health Dept.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Stacey said...

Oh my gosh, dude, gross.

And for some reason, this blog still isn't showing up in my bloglines...

12:31 AM  
Blogger Melinda Barton said...

I've been having problems with the blog since the transition to New Blogger. I think I'm going to contact tech support.

12:00 PM  

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