Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Marilyn Conspiracy

It gets harder to mock conspiracy theorists when they're backed up by secret FBI files.

My theory: Occasionally, the CT's might be onto something. They just might be wrong as to what that something is.

Maybe there really was a crash at Roswell where bodies were recovered. It may simply have been an experimental spy plane rather than an alien spaceship. I think the whole thing about a "trigger happy" lieutenant firing off a press release is a bit suspicious myself. Having worked in PR for a small non-profit, I can tell you that it would be exceptional for someone to send out a press release even on a minor matter without it being checked by at least two other people. How much more so in the military?

Maybe there was a conspiracy to kill JFK that didn't involve high-level government agents. After all, the Justice Department has been under standing judicial order to reinvestigate for more than two decades. Or maybe the JFK conspiracy debunkers just haven't done a very good job. I saw one so-called "scientific" recreation of the assassination that proposed to prove the one-shooter theory by recreating it. Oddly, the dummies simulating the positions of the bodies in the car were wildly off the mark if you compare their relative locations to the Zapruder videos. It basically had JFK sitting nearly a foot higher relatively than he actually was.

The government has long held secret files on a variety of events and programs that they'd rather we not know about. So, conspiracy buffs aren't wildly off the mark about the limits to trusting the government. They just might not get the details right.

On the other hand:

Aliens building the pyramids? Yeah. That's just nuts. Everyone knows the aliens were unionized, so they never would have built them that fast under such poor working conditions. Aliens anal-probing rednecks? Maybe it's the intergalactic version of cow-tipping. Crop circles: Maybe "Condemned by the Intergalactic Board of Health" warnings? Or maybe it's some interstellar gangsta's tag: "Zeeblok was here, Dawg!".


Blogger Rob the Webkahunah said...

Don't forget that the Loch Ness monster is actually a plot by Bigfoot to draw attention away from himself.

Then again, that's completely at odds with the theory that Jack the Ripper was really the Loch Ness monster.

But on the third take, if Bigfoot really is the Loch Ness Monster, who then poses as Jack the Ripper, it would explain why there were no reports of a 300 foot Pleasiosaur running through the alleys of london...

But, alternitively, if Jack the Ripper really retired to pose as Nessie, but couldn't take the stress of looking like a dinosaur, and so adopted the guise of Bigfoot, it would explain a whole lot more...

ouch. brain cramp.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Canardius said...

lzA lot of times the theorists fall upon what they regard as scientific method... "there must be a cause for this, it can't just be coincidence...." One of my favorite quotes is from Albert Einstein: "God doesn't play dice with the universe."

The JFK case has a conspiracy somewhere in it, proved in the fake red herrings laid about [compare the alleged Xrays with autopsy photos and see that one is missing what the other says is there: Xray has no frontal right face, yet photos have no rear head. The evidence contradicts itself].

The details are murkier in "who" than "what". I've seen it cited as a coup by somebody, since what happened was our diving into Vietnam when we just had our left foot in -- and pulled out our big toe just before Dallas 1963. Which conspiratorially continues to Nixon, since the Texas Court of Enquiry -- which should have handled jurisdiction rather than the FBI (the crime was not a state crime) had on it many people who show up later in Watergate [including the prosecutor Jaworski].
For a lively recital of that, see


which I stumbled upon when looking up the Bookk, "Redwood Delta" on the net since my father's platoon was the setting for that book. The author of Redwood Delta knew my father and served with him, and the book is mentioned as one of several written on Vietnam.

But I digress. We were at Watergate, that poorly-executed and idiotically-stupid and toatally unneeded burglary. Which same Watergate left us with an unelected president. Thus saith the CT's.

9:31 AM  

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