Sunday, May 27, 2007

Those Damned Gay Terrorists

Apparently, gay activists a.k.a. "people who feel they are trying to create a better world" are considered possible terrorists by the Alabama Department of Homeland Security.

So, to my Alabama readers, if you see a very well-dressed man who can really dance or a woman who is strangely good at playing softball, volleyball, basketball, or any sport whatsoever, please call the Department of Homeland Security. We have reason to believe that these people may intend to carry out massive redecorating on major American targets. The female members of these organizations are also suspected of planning to undermine heterosexuality by promising innocent women something they refer to as an "orgasm" or (in some recently decoded transmissions) a "g-spot orgasm." We aren't certain what this "orgasm" may entail, but we have reason to suspect that it may pose a danger to national security and potentially to the future of the human race as we know it.

These people are known to congregate in establishments that sell alcohol, dancing to music they call "disco" and waiving rainbow-colored battle flags. The female members of these possible terrorist organizations are also known for converging at a single location carrying foodstuffs. We believe these "potlucks" as they call them may be used to conceal their plans to infect normal women with a strange virus that makes them want to own tools and wear leather. If you are approached by one of these women, proceed carefully to the nearest exit and if necessary, politely but firmly decline any offer to take you on a road trip where you would be permitted to sleep while she operates the motor vehicle.

If you notice any suspicious activity on the part of someone you suspect may be of the homosexual persuasion or who may be a willing or unwilling accomplice to the machinations of those of the homosexual persuasion, record all relevant details as to the time, date, and place you sighted this potential terrorist and report this information immediately to the Alabama Department of Homeland Security at 1-800-DUM-BASS. Thank you. Your nation appreciates your vigilance.

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