Thursday, January 19, 2006

The Real Enemy

Osama bin Laden is at it again. He's just come out of hiding to release a tape threatening attacks within the United States and offering a "truce" on so-called "fair" but unnamed terms. Weren't we supposed to be kicking this guy's ass? Wasn't he the main enemy in this "war on terror" in which too many young Americans have given their lives? Have we forgotten?

No, we haven't. We, the people of the United States -- especially those of us who were in New York, DC, or near that Pennsylvania field on 9/11 -- have not forgotten. We'll be seeing this guy and that day in our nightmares for years. Our "leaders" have, but that's old news.

It only took six months for George W. Bush to go from demanding Osama "dead or alive" to claiming, "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." (3/13/02) A year after that, we were off to fight the "real enemy" in Iraq, because of course Saddam Hussein had "nuke-u-lar" weapons and was an immediate threat to America.

Of course, it's also old news that the nerd crew over at MythBusters have built more dangerous weapons than Hussein and probably have more technological skill and equipment than anyone who was under the employ of the dictator we all loved to hate. But Bush had his "priorities."

Surely, the resources used to "liberate" Iraq could have been better spent on catching Osama and securing the homeland. Despite all the chest thumping involved in setting up the Department of Homeland Secuirty, it's also old news that America's security is only slightly more effective than it was on Sept. 10, 2001. In fact, even Bush admininstration officials like Rumsfeld and Cheney have admitted that another attack is inevitable. Bush's priorities again. It is, after all, more important to make sure that your friends have highly paid, influential jobs with fancy titles than to actually do the job you're supposed to be doing.

Here's the new news. The leader of the organization that managed to infiltrate our country and carry out the largest terror attack in history is threatening to do it again. It's highly unlikely that bin Laden is making an empty threat just to scare us, because he knows very well that our military isn't going to just pack up and go home. He's just making sure it looks like he gave us a chance before blowing up innocent people.

We all remember where we were on 9/11. Now, we get to remember where we were on (insert date of pending terrorist attack of unknown nature but known origin here). We can all imagine now what we'll feel then and what we'll want done, but I wonder: What will our president's priorities be?

He'll probably make sure we take it to the "real enemy" and attack Canada. They have oil too, you know. And that constant niceness must be a cover for something. I'm sure some of their leaders have probably harbored dreams of "weapons of mass destruction" or "weapons of mass destruction related programs." Hey, they even have an attack plan and so do we. So, we don't have to worry about being caught with our pants down or our Humvees unarmored this time.

Remember the atrocities they committed against Native Canadians back in the day? We'll be welcomed as liberators. Really, we will. Plus, we won't have to worry about not speaking the language of the country we invade. Except Quebec, but they're French, so....

Yeah. That's the plan. As soon as bin Laden attacks, we invade Canada and take Irshad Manji captive. She's Muslim. So what if she's a liberal, innocent, and a courageous critic of the Islamic "foundamentalists." She might know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows Kevin Bacon... erm... I meant Osama. And hey, many Islamic fundamentalists have "corresponded" with her. We can just confiscate her hate mail. There's got to be loads of valuable intelligence data there that can help us find Osama or at least someone who may have seen one of his tapes.

So, that's our next "priority." Who cares if it does nothing to further our cause or secure our nation? Are you anti-American or a secret Canadian operative or something? Just what have you been reading? Oh, we'll find out. You can be sure of that. Support our troops.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home